Judges writing to children in Family proceedings

In recent judgments, we are now seeing a shift in the efforts being made to ensure that the child’s voice is heard. If they are old enough, this often takes the form of an independent social worker being appointed to speak to the child and report back to the court on their behalf or the child being able to write a letter to the judge expressing their wishes and feelings.

An issue that remains is that most of the time, court proceedings conclude and there is no procedural step to inform the child of the decision. This could mean a child’s letter goes unanswered and their life has been significantly changed with no reason communicated to them as to why. It makes sense that understanding and adjusting to their day-to-day life being significantly changed would be a lot easier for the child if they were provided with an explanation. Parents can feel uncertain as to how to inform their children of the outcome in a way that best protects their child’s welfare, which can increase distress and anxiety in already stressful court proceedings. With no formal mechanism for this communication at this crucial stage of a court case, there has been an increase in judges writing to the children to help them understand their decisions.

A toolkit has recently been published with guidance for judges for when they write to a child. The President of the Family Division, Sir Andrew McFarlane, commented: ‘it is important for the young person in understanding that their wishes and feelings have been taken into account by the court, and in supporting them to accept or make sense of the decision as they move forward with their life thereafter’ and expressed his hope that the practice will become the norm.

The excerpt below is a letter from the judge in the case of Mother v Father [2024] EWFC 252 (B) to the four children aged between 9 and 14:

'Dear [names redacted],

Thank you for writing to me. I heard loud and clear that you do not want to see your Mum and you want people to stop bothering you. I take what you say seriously. I respect your views. Your welfare is my number one concern.

Your Mum and Dad came to court. Your Dad told me that he would not force you to see your Mum and that your views should be respected. Your Mum told me how much she loves you and wants to be in your life.….

I have finished the court case and I have decided that now is not the right time for you to see your Mum face to face. I do think that it is best for you if she sends you a message every month to your e-mail addresses and then it is up to you if you want to read it….

I have listened to your voices and have put you first in making this decision. The e-mails that your Mum is allowed to send are like a bridge towards a relationship with her if you want it. It is up to you whether you cross that bridge and decide to see her in future.

You only ever get one Mum in your life. She loves you all so very much and misses a relationship with you greatly. She has had a difficult time and things have not been easy for her. "Well, things have not been easy for us", you might say. You are right. Both of those things are true. But I want you to know that you are loved by your Mum. She is not perfect. None of us are. But you should know that she came to court not to upset you but because she genuinely does not want to lose the possibility of a relationship with you. I am clear that the choice of whether you want that relationship to develop, and when, is yours.

I wish you all the very best in the future.

With best wishes, Her Honour Judge Suh'

Receiving a short letter from the judge like this one can not only alleviate some of the harm of being involved in parental conflict and court proceedings, but the words can be powerful in transforming a child’s understanding of their situation, their relationship with their parents and their new identity as a child with separated parents. It can be a key tool in the child’s journey to understanding, processing, accepting and navigating their new world.

We understand concerns parents have regarding wanting to protect their children from the potential emotional and psychological harm of being involved in court proceedings. Knowing that there is an increase in the practice of judges writing to children to ensure they understand the decisions being made about them will, it is hoped, bring clients some comfort as they navigate these major changes to their family’s lives.